I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
