Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
