Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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