my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
