arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
