my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
