I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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