I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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