Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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