do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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