i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Houston, we have a squirter
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
