I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
