I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
