i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
