He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
