Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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