I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We were destined to go to rehab together
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize