i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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