What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
