i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
