K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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