She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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