i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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