if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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