is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
