she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
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The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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