you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
