The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
