go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
