Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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