i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
