I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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