Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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