He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises