Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
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My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
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There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan