"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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