i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way