the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit