I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.