We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
