i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
