I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
