first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
