direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
