oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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