My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
