I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You can't just leave with hair like that
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
