I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
