I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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