he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
