The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
