he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
