I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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