i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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