We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
