god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
