He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
