her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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