I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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