protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
