someone threw a dead crab at me
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
