Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i now understand why vodka
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
