My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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