He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
