So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
