She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
