Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
