DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
