I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
