Porn is love you can see.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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