Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
