Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
