i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
