Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
