Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
