Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize