i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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