i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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