apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
