can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
