I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
