I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize