I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
