so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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